What happened to the days where sex was a fun and spontaneous adventure we would engage in? Did passionate sex take a back seat to work and children or has it been replaced by the monotonous intervals of obligatory sex that is neither satisfying or passionate?
Even if this is not the fate of your sex life, this little method may keep that passion burning despite having to schedule your make-out sessions. I refer to this method as the Fishbowl Method.
I know what you are thinking and no, I am not discussing voyeuristic sex in front of windows, or having sex at your local aquarium, or even having sex in a fishbowl under water (though those all sound pretty cool). However, there will be a fishbowl or two involved.
- Pen and paper of various colors and compositions
- A pair of scissors
- 2 beta sized fish bowls. You can get these for about 3 or 4 dollars from a pet supply store. If you do not have access to the fish bowls then you can use other containers, but make sure that the containers are designated as your love wells.
The Set Up:
- First set up a time for sex. For an example, we will use 1 pm to 2 pm on a Saturday as our designated time. Apart from an emergency, nothing should interfere with this scheduled time. This designated time should be a priority and we should do everything in our power to be present during this time. Unless you are using the cellphone for some smooth grooves leave it outside of the bedroom.
- Discuss Boundaries. As individuals in a relationship, we may each have our own erotic triggers. Make it safe for your partner to discuss their erotic triggers without shame or judgment while also feeling safe to express your boundaries and erotic self with your partner without the same shame or judgment. Pro-Tip: Take the pressure off by understanding that sex does not have to begin or end with penetration. The entire session can be about physically and emotionally connecting in an erotic and pleasurable way.
- Using the pen and paper; come up with 7 to 10 things that you find erotic or you would like to have done to you sexually and write them down. Cut your requests into individual rectangles, fold them, and put them into the jar and give them a healthy shake.
- If your time is from 1 pm to 2 pm on Saturday, then prep should take place on a Sunday. Monday morning take a slip of paper from your partner’s jar and keep it to yourself.
- You have 5 days to come up with a creative way to meet your partner’s sexual desire. Now, this is where more of the fun takes place. You can text your partner sexy clues about what you have in store for them throughout the week. This builds curiosity, anticipation, and it is a good way to have all week foreplay, but do not give away the secret no matter how turned on you are.
- When the scheduled time comes, be mindful; of the situation, your feelings, your body, and your partner. Be present!
I hope you enjoy this small technique in making scheduled sex great sex. Please ask any questions and feel free to leave comments.
Remember, be consentual, be safe, and enjoy the pleasure.